Calcium Deposits? Is that good? What if it's not calcium deposits? What could it be? If it's just calcium why are we seeing a specialist? She didn't explain any of that. I was just left with questions. I had just enough time to call Brett to tell him about the convo before I was forced to sit through a meeting (which was basically pointless to even go because I of course couldn't concentrate on anything except the phone call).
Later that day, I did what Brett and I usually refuse to do...we Googled it. (Brett is an RN in the SICU and one of his biggest pet peeves is people Googling medical conditions. They think they are doctors and disregard the years of medical school for random information on a web page. Therefore we just don't do it.) However, I felt I had no other choice. I needed something. What does it mean? Is it a little bit bad or a lot? Could it mean a tiny procedure or a lifelong problem?
This is what I found...The markings on the heart could be a "marker" or "indicator" for some chromosomal disorders such as Trisomy 18 or Down's Syndrome,or could be a sign of a heart defect, or it could be absolutely nothing....such extremes and was it even accurate to our situation. Can I really trust what I read on the Internet. My heart stopped again. Trisomy 18, it had been a while since I studied it but I knew it wasn't good. And being a special needs teacher to children with significant developmental disorders, I was all too familiar with Down's and the lifelong challenges it brings. We've also had family and friends who've had children suffer from heart problems since birth, I knew that wasn't an easy road either. I immediately began praying for the "problem" to be calcium. I held my composure pretty good until I called my mother then the emotions let loose and down came the tears. No mother ever expects anything to be wrong with her baby, I was no different. My pregnancy had been great so far. Almost zero morning sickness, healthy weight gain, no other side effects. I felt great! But no matter how good I felt there was nothing I could do to help my little guy. I had to rely on God. So we did. We began praying that the ultrasound would show everything is perfectly fine.
We didn't make a huge announcement of the concern but we did share with some family and friends asking for their prayers as well. I began praying that no matter what we would be thankful in our situation. God has blessed us with the miracle of a child something some people never get to experience. I would be thankful regardless of the hard times that may lie ahead. I wrote a verse on our chalkboard as a daily reminder.
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A peace came over me. Three weeks is a long time to wait for such extreme results but it really didn't bother. I kept getting the thought of "God chose us to raise this baby. He has a plan specifically for us." I know it was the Holy Spirit speaking to me. The Sunday before our appointment we had a prayer meeting with our Sunday School class. After praying for all the request, they laid hands on us and prayed specifically for our baby. We could feel God's presence in that room. We knew he heard our request and we were in his hands.
Tuesday morning came and it was time for the long awaited appointment. All morning we received text messages and phone calls from family and friends telling us they were praying for us. Such a blessing it is to have a family in Christ like that to support you. We were not alone in this situation.
When we sat down with the technician she asked if we understood why we were there and what the concerns were. "not really" was my response. She was great in explaining that the first ultrasound showed a really bright white spot on one of the left chambers of the heart and it could be an indicator for Down's Syndrome so they wanted to check out some of the other markers to see if it was just an isolated thing or if there was more to investigate. She talked us through each image explaining what she was looking for and whether or not it was positive or negative as a "marker." She looked at his nasal bone, the length of his femur and humerus, the number of digits in his pinky toe, the spacing between fingers, just to name a few. She also took a good look at his other organs and spent quite a long time just examining his heart. She kept reporting "negative" to each marker. Things were looking bright :) After 50 minutes of her examining and taking pictures the specialist had her look. We waited about 10 minutes then she came in, asked a few questions about our first pregnancy and then told us the news.
Baby B#2 is HEALTHY! The white spot is not calcium but a little extra muscle on the heart. It doesn't mean anything and there is no concern for any present or future heart problems. He was negative for all the other "markers" therefore they had no reason to believe Down's or any other chromosomal disorder should be a concern! HALLELUJAH! What a relief! God is good! He heard our prayers and answered. It has only been a few hours since we found out and I've caught myself crying quite a bit. I think it's a little bit of all the emotions finally letting go. Relief, thankfulness, and an overwhelming sense of love from our friends and family. Honestly, without their support this would have been soooo much harder. We cannot be grateful enough for the people God has placed in our lives.
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Now the only thing we need to worry about is surviving a life with 2 boys. I guess I'll accept the fact that my house may never be quiet, clean, or smell good, that is unless they really like the smell of baby powder.? But that is a whole other post :)
With love,
Lissa
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